Let’s take a little stroll down Hypothetical Lane….
You find yourself in need of clarity on a topic. So you take the time to walk to the appropriate person’s office and have an in-person conversation about it. Good move! You approach the person with a smile on your face and pleasant tone in your voice – setting a non-confrontational stage for the talk. Great! But somewhere between, “Hi!” and, “OK, thanks for your time,” the conversation takes an uncomfortable turn, running it right off the rails, and you end up walking away feeling frustrated, confused, and unheard.
Can I get a testimony?
I’m pretty sure that anyone who interacts with the human race has had a similar experience. A low-key conversation that begins as an opportunity to confirm unity ends up becoming a power play – leaving you stunned and wishing you never started the conversation in the first place. And all because someone was more interested in being understood than taking the steps to understand. In other words, more interested in being heard than taking the time to listen.
Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.
Proverbs 18:13 MSG
This Message translation of this verse makes me laugh out loud. If we are looking for clarity, this will cover it! In all seriousness, though, it is important to pause and truly listen to what the other person is saying. And many times, it has nothing to do with the words they are using. Being a good listener, listening to understand, means we have to stop the internal chatter on how we are going to respond and truly hear what is being said. It means we put down the cell phone, turn our bodies away from the laptop screen, and look into the eyes of the speaker. A good listener pauses to take note of the body language, tone of voice, and evaluate the chain of events that led up to the conversation. A good listener has the maturity and patience to wait. Then a good listener asks clarifying questions to confirm they understand the speaker….and waits again as the speaker responds.
Listening to understand takes time, discipline, and humility.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests
but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4
In no way am I excusing rude and selfish behavior. Rather, I am encouraging all of us to take the high road when we are faced with it. The amazing thing about taking the time to understand others is that it will usually lead to YOU being understood as well! The process unfolds to the benefit of both people.
Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time.
Leave all your worries with him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
Here is what I try to remind myself in the moment of decision between selfish reaction and humble response: as I leave all things in my Father’s capable hands, I can trust Him to make things right, shed light on the shadows, and make a way where there seems to be none. If there is contention in a conversation, He will bring understanding as I walk humbly. As I seek to understand the other, He will make a path for me to be understood. I don’t have to strong arm my way into understanding.
Perhaps you have been in a situation where you have felt misunderstood; a conversation highjacked by discord or frustrated by a verbal power play. I understand. But more importantly, our Father understands, and He desires to bring His holiness into the situation to bring peace and understanding. He is always listening. In fact, He is the best listener with unending patience, infinite grace, and wisdom beyond our understanding. He walks with us through the confusion and frustration and temptation to force our way through the door of understanding and, instead, opens the door for His beloved child. Reminding us that …
You are adored.
You Are Adored 