I spent quite a bit of time asking the Lord if He really wanted me to share this. It’s tough. It’s messy. It’s ugly. It’s exposing. Not really the benchmarks I look for when trying to encourage my friends. It seems so counterproductive but I am going to be obedient…..
After all that we walked through in 2020, the last thing I want to do is remember it. Yet, that is exactly what the Lord asked me to do a few weeks ago. Remember. And write it down. So, mumbling (if I must be totally honest, grumbling) under my breath, I grabbed my journal, turned to the last page for the year and wrote,
“Things Lost in 2020”
- Sense of normalcy in nearly everything
- Time with extended family
- Admin Assistant Conference in GA
- In-person trainings with NL Admin Team
- Trust in a friend
- Relationship and time with a precious family member
- Dreams
- In-person Easter and Christmas Eve services
…and then, as if 2020 wanted to kick me in the shins just to be extra mean…. - My doctor of nearly 30 years
There are a few other entries but you get the point. It is a list of everything – nothing too big or too small – that felt like loss. I’m sure you would have a similar list if the Lord asked you to make one. As much as I wanted to close my journal and be done with it, I realized that making a list was pretty helpful. It helped me identify and name the losses. Then suddenly, I realized the strangest thing: I had been trying to hold each one of those painful experiences so they wouldn’t be forgotten. They are important to me and I don’t want to forget what is important. Thankfully, I don’t have to…
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8
The Lord, Himself, has painstakingly kept track of all of them for me. And He has done it because He understands how important those entries, and all they represent, are to me. They are valuable to me, therefore, they are valuable to Him. Writing them down was actually the act of releasing them into His care. Despite their value, it wasn’t doing me any good to hold on to them.
Then He reminded me – again – of the open hand illustration that my friend, Mary, had shared with me as a young homeschooling mom. It was a simple, visual demonstration of holding things loosely before the Lord. My outstretched hand fully opened toward Heaven. Clenching nothing. Available to the Lord. Surrendering to my loving Daddy all that He has placed there and desires to remove.
And we know that in all things God works
for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
What do you need to release to Him? Do you need to unfold your fingers from the grip of something you hold dear? Do you need to take some time to simply cry over a loss? Do you need to make a list? Let me encourage you to do whatever you need to have an open hand and open heart toward what He wants to do. Holding on to loss is not serving you well. Our Father’s loving care of you will!
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said,
“I am making everything new!“
Then he said,
“Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:4-5
As we release these losses and disappointments to the Lord, it frees our hearts to be available to His healing and new work. It does not lessen the importance of these things but it does position us to receive from our loving Father. His kindness, His healing, His perspective, and His plan. All these are good gifts for His precious daughters. You can trust Him with the pain and the joy – the past and the future – the seen and unseen. And it is perfectly fine if you need to release these things and trust Him again more than once. He welcomes you. He delights in you. Although seasons and situations are in constant flux, His love for you never changes.
You are adored.
You Are Adored 