Home

This week I joined a handful of other staff for the service recording in our sanctuary. As grateful as I am for our digital services, I was very excited to worship in person with a few of my friends again. In this time of COVID adjustments, I prepared myself for the changes I would see in the room. We had been asked to wear masks and maintain social distancing – a practice session, if you will, for our upcoming in-person gatherings. The facility team did an amazing job of placing chairs throughout the room in various configurations. The film team thoughtfully placed stanchions to prevent us from walking into certain areas and potentially unplugging a piece of equipment. (Yes, I would be that person!) Staff quietly visited from their seats, still not sure of what to expect, until they were ready to begin. Then the worship pastor greeted us all from the platform and it hit me: This is going to be our reality, at least for a while.

I wasn’t prepared for the emotion of it all.

My husband and I started calling New Life home more than 27 years ago as a newly-married couple. For a few years, we drove an hour each way to attend church before God opened the door for us to move back to Colorado Springs. The shorter commute helped us to really get involved as volunteers – Larry as an usher and me with women’s ministry. We’ve raised our kids here. Made life-long friends here. Seen tragedy and God’s powerful hand of grace here. I know this place. I know these people. I know the rhythms of life here. This is home.

But this didn’t feel like home.

Do you remember leaving home as a young adult to begin life at college, long-term missions, new job, or even marriage? No matter how wonderful your home life may have been, the excitement of this new adventure was undeniable. The focus was on what’s to come – new places, new people, and new experiences – and the familiar constant of home was reliably parked right where it’s always been. Until you came home for a visit. It might have taken a few minutes to set in, but eventually you realized that while you’ve been out living your amazing adventure, life continued at home too. And while the building of home was the same, even the people of home might have been the same, there was an undeniable change in the feeling of home.

So I took the next step and unpacked my bags. I’m home and need to get settled.

I unpacked my worship and I unpacked my tears. I worshipped because the God of the universe has never changed. He is the same yesterday, today and forever, regardless of how I feel, and is worthy of all my praise. And I cried because that is what we do when we grieve what is precious. It is how I am wired and I’ve learned that denying it only prolongs the necessary process of grieving. Funny thing, though, that the longer I worshipped and cried, the less I focused on what had changed. My attention shifted from what I’d lost to the only thing I’ve ever really had. My attentions where back where they belonged – on God. He had been comforting me all along, drying my tears, holding my face and inviting me to look at Him, to take His hand, and to trust Him. He has a plan!

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

A few weeks ago, this scripture had a very different meaning to me. His Word is living and active; capable of application in new ways. Even when the words don’t change, my understanding does. Suddenly what had been the source for grief became an actual breath of fresh air. The change around me became an invitation to see what God is going to do in my church family during this next season. I was being invited into His work. Again. Still. 

It is good to grieve as long as we don’t camp there. We should stay as long as we need, then shake the dust off our feet and step into the new thing. It is likely that I have a few more tears to shed and that’s OK. I’ll give myself space to let them fall. But I do not plan to dwell on what was because God is inviting me, inviting us, into a new thing. A place where He promises to make a way in the wilderness of the unknown and streams of life in a wasteland of uncertainty. What the enemy intended for evil, He will use for good and I want to be ready when it’s time to enter in.

We’ve seen this before! We know His faithfulness! We know He is trustworthy and kind and we have the privilege of helping people find this Jesus. It’s what we’ve always done! We get to usher people into the presence of Jesus, experience His love and forgiveness, learn to hear His voice. And when we hear His voice, we will hear Him inviting us in, whispering His love, and reminding His daughters….

You are adored.