Grace

I’ve learned a few lessons about myself over these past few days. How about you? Have you discovered anything funny, startling, pleasant, or surprising about yourself as you navigate a new, although temporary, normal? I confess that the first few days I was in discovery mode about others more than myself. You know, seeing all the annoying things that everyone around me is doing while being completely oblivious to my own annoying habits! Suddenly three full-time working adults were flung into the house together, full-time. While my daughter and I were navigating the newness that comes from working at home during a world-wide crisis, my husband was on vacation. Ahhh, the dynamics! I’ll leave it there.

After a bit, though, we began to settle into a new routine and I began to see things in myself. Some I liked, others made me laugh, and other things were not very pleasant. Being disciplined has served me well over the years but our current situation has highlighted that I really need grace with myself more than discipline. When I try to have a conversation with someone and can’t formulate a word, much less a complete sentence….I need grace not discipline. When I walk from one room to another and break into tears for no apparent reason….I need grace not discipline. When it takes me three times longer to complete a task at home than it takes in the office…I need grace not discipline.

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

Ephesians 4:7

“…as Christ apportioned it.” Christ has given us grace with reckless abandon, fully pouring Himself out for our benefit, holding nothing back. We don’t have to ration His supply of grace. It is never-ending. Nor can we hoard it. It is waiting for us as we need it – waiting in abundance. Exhale.

I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath. I didn’t recognize I was rationing my requests of the Lord. I didn’t realize I have been walking without grace, keeping Jesus at arm’s length. As soon as I exhaled, my entire posture changed – physically and spiritually. Without my arms out in a protective position, the Lord could come close and hold me. We could talk more intimately and I could tell Him what I need. Even though He knows what I need before I ask, I could now see in His eyes that He simply loves to hear the sound of my voice. My focus zeroed in on Him and His loving gaze again. Peace returned. Grace came pouring in.

Discipline is also a gift from the Lord. But I had learned to rely too heavily on that one gift. When life changed so drastically, I subconsciously clung to what was familiar and didn’t recognize that additional gifts were waiting there for me as well. Our Father has not rationed His love or His gifts for us. As seasons change He provides all we need…and it may look differently than it ever has. But it all begins with His grace.

May I encourage you to exhale? If, like me, you have found yourself frustrated, frightened, or struggling to find your footing, stop and take a breath. Simply pause where you are and soak in His grace. Allow yourself to receive His gifts, even if they are new to you, and revel in His provision. This season is definitely uncertain to us and it is OK not to be OK. Take comfort that our God is not surprised and never changes. He is prepared. He is equipped. He is with you. And through it all He wants to remind you that…

You are adored.